Moving on

Why Taking Control Matters

Breakups can feel like your entire world has been turned upside down. You may lose sleep, appetite, and even your sense of identity. But this painful chapter is also a chance to rebuild. The key is to focus on the first step: reclaiming your power. In this article, we’ll explore how to regain control of your emotions, your time, and ultimately, your future.

Much advice within the realms of breakup advice, often ignores the importance of control, and why it can be highly important even if you are not appearing to be making progress in getting your ex back. Of course you need to regain control of yourself before you can control your relationship.

1. Understand Your Emotional Landscape

Before you can move forward, you need to understand where you are emotionally. A breakup triggers a whirlwind of feelings—anger, sadness, confusion, even relief.

• Acknowledge the Grief: Recognize that a breakup is a form of loss. You’re not just losing a partner but also the future you imagined together.

• Practice Self-Compassion: Talk to yourself like you would a close friend. Avoid harsh self-criticism, and remind yourself that healing takes time.

• Monitor Negative Coping Mechanisms: Watch out for unhealthy behaviors like excessive drinking, obsessive social media stalking, or rebound relationships.

Actionable Step: Start a breakup journal. Write about your emotions daily, even if it’s just a sentence. This will help you process your feelings and track your healing progress.

2. Set Boundaries and Protect Your Space

Breakups often blur boundaries, especially if you’re tempted to keep in touch with your ex. While it’s natural to want closure or maintain some connection, boundaries are crucial for healing.

• Go No-Contact: It might feel harsh, but cutting all communication creates the emotional distance needed to heal.

• Create a “Safe Zone” for Yourself: Rearrange your living space to remove reminders of your ex. Replace photos and gifts with things that represent you.

• Inform Mutual Friends: Politely let friends know you need space and prefer not to hear updates about your ex.

Actionable Step: Write down your non-negotiables (e.g., no responding to texts, no stalking their Instagram) and commit to them for at least 30 days.

3. Rebuild Your Routine

One of the biggest impacts of a breakup is the disruption to your daily life. Maybe you shared morning rituals or regular date nights. Now’s the time to create new routines that prioritize your well-being.

• Invest in Physical Health: Regular exercise and nutritious meals not only boost your mood but also restore a sense of stability.

• Pick Up a Hobby: Dive into something you’ve always wanted to try—whether it’s yoga, painting, or learning a language.

• Anchor Your Day with Small Wins: Start the day with a quick 10-minute meditation or a walk. Small, consistent habits build confidence over time.

Actionable Step: Plan a “self-care schedule” for the week, including specific activities like meal prepping, exercise, and social time with friends.

4. Shift the Focus to Personal Growth

While it’s tempting to fixate on your ex, the real growth happens when you turn inward. Breakups are an opportunity to rediscover who you are outside of the relationship.

• Identify Lessons Learned: Reflect on the relationship objectively. What worked? What didn’t? Use these insights to grow emotionally.

• Set New Goals: Start thinking about what you want for your future. Write down personal, professional, or creative goals to work toward.

• Reconnect with Yourself: Explore who you were before the relationship. What made you happy? What inspired you?

Actionable Step: Write a “future me” letter, outlining how you want to feel and what you want to achieve in the next six months.

Taking control after a breakup isn’t about rushing the process—it’s about being intentional with each step. Embrace the pain, set boundaries, rediscover yourself, and grow stronger every day. Remember, healing is not linear, but every effort you make is a step closer to reclaiming the life you deserve.